Asked by beautifulvoluptuouswoman-deacti
Thanks :0 i’m 31
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ARIZONA?
Seriously, have they all gone nuts down there? Every week I hear about another wacky proposed law. Sometimes it’s so outrageous, so bizarre, I can’t help but wonder if the entire state is punking me.
Let’s take a gander at some recent gems that have come out of the troubled and squirming brains of Arizona’s legislators:
#1 Outlawing cussing on the internet. This proposed law seeks to end trolling on the internet. Arizona would criminalize internet speech deemed “obscene, lewd or profane.” So, if you’re on Facebook and say something like “I’m really sad Jillian Michaels is no longer on Biggest Loser. She always gave me such a boner,” then you’re a criminal.
#2 Outlawing professorial cussing on college campuses. Legislation proposed in the Arizona state senate would apply the same restrictions on profanity for college lectures as it would for preschool classrooms. Under the so-called “G-rated” bill, a school would be required to terminate a college instructor who commits three offenses of using cuss words in a classroom, even though he is speaking to adults legally able to buy porn and smoke cigarettes. This law, by the way, was proposed by State Senator Lori Klein, a Republican who gained notoriety for pointing a loaded gun at a reporter’s face in the state capitol. Obviously, she’s all about propriety.
#3 Legalizing cruelty to farm and ranch dogs. If some state lawmakers have their way, Arizona ranchers and farmers could soon be exempt from animal cruelty laws. The law was proposed after a Pima County rancher was cited for locking his dogs up in a sweltering horse trailer with no food or water. Under the new law, what this heartless rancher did would be okey-dokey. Mitt Romney, I’m sure, would get behind this law in a heartbeat.
#4 Legalizing slut-shaming in the workplace. This bill would give employers the power to request that women being prescribed birth control pills provide proof that they’re using them for non-sexual reasons. Since Arizona is an at-will employment state, this means that bosses critical of their female employees’ sex lives could fire them as a result. They wouldn’t, however, be allowed to call them a slut on the internet (see #1).
#5 Allowing doctors to withhold medical information from patients. This law says that a doctor who is morally opposed to abortion may withhold medical information about a developing fetus if he or she believes it could cause the mother to have an abortion. Let’s put it another way: if your fetus is sick, defected, even dying, a doctor doesn’t have to tell you if he or she thinks you may opt for abortion. You may have noticed how I used the politically correct “he or she” formation in the previous sentences. I was being ironic. You and I both know it would be a “he” doctor only.
#6 The craziest one of all. Under Arizona’s H.B. 2036, the state would recognize the start of the unborn child’s life to be the first day of its mother’s last menstrual period. True, ob/gyns use this method to calculate pregnancy times, but Arizona wants to use it to define life. It’s just another domineering personhood law aimed at taking reproductive freedom away from women. It’s a very bizarre personhood law, though. It says that your baby is alive even before you conceive it, even before you have the sex that conceives it. Yeah, I think that one takes the cake.
Clearly, something weird is going on in Arizona, something more than just the archaic, right-wing thinking of the poorly educated and self-righteous. Something is amiss in the Arizona brain and the most obvious culprit is the heat. Arizona is hot as hell. Although I lost all my meteorological data on the southwestern United States during a recent 3-day crack binge, I’m pretty sure it’s the hottest state in the nation.
I propose a new disease: Fried Brain Cell Syndrome (FBCS). It’s what happens when you stand around in a baking, barren desert, polishing your halo, and saying “for shame, for shame.” It’s clearly rampant in the Arizona state government.
Signs of FBCS mirror those of heat stroke, but without all the charm. Victims become confused and hostile, mental acuity plummets and the person seems extremely intoxicated. In other words: Arizona.
By the way, I was kidding about the crack binge. I’m too busy to go on any sort of binge, crack or otherwise, too busy praying for Arizona to secede from the union already.
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